


Nothing

by glitterpop



Series: instead [2]
Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:23:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2715440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterpop/pseuds/glitterpop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Would Tadashi have taken out Baymax's healthcare chip?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> I am a little overwhelmed how much you people seemed to like "Instead"! A few of you asked that I continue it, if I could think of something else to continue with, and I guess I did think of something else. So thank you all for your support and praise for my story, you really don't know how much it means to me. I hope y'all like this one just as much!

Tadashi had wanted a lot of things with this venture, this outing as just born super heroes. He’d wanted a way to end the dreams of Hiro going into that burning building, the explosion and the funeral. He’d wanted something to focus his attention on outside of his mourning, and catching the person who had stolen his little brother’s last invention seemed to be the thing. He’d wanted something to show his friends that he was okay, even if it was a lie.  He’d wanted some sort of closure, after having learned that his brother’s death wasn’t an accident.

He’d wanted to know why his brother had been denied more time.

This wasn’t what he wanted at all.

“Professor Callaghan?”

He could hear his friends gasp in shock behind him, was aware of when Baymax walked over to stand behind him. It was all background information though, the majority of his mind taken over by the face of his thought-to-be-dead teacher and the rush of blood to his head.

“You died,” Tadashi said blankly, unable to process what was in front of him. “You died in the explosion.”

The same way Hiro had, he had thought. Nothing but ashes left to recover, people mourning over an empty casket. He remembered the day of Hiro’s funeral, looking around and seeing all the people who had come to remember the Professor by visiting the grave of the boy who had died trying to save him. He remembered looking at those people and feeling a helpless, dull rage. If they wanted to look sad over an empty grave, he had thought, they could go to Callaghan’s and leave his Hiro out of it.

Except Callaghan wasn’t dead, and Hiro still was.

“No,” Callaghan confessed, and Tadashi had _never_ been looked at like this before. Callaghan looked him in the eye, never faltering, no shame or guilt or remorse on his face, nothing but a grim sort of anger. Callaghan looked at him like he was a small thing, some stupid small thing that got in the way. Callaghan looked at him like he wasn’t even a person. “I had your brother’s microbots.”

“Hiro’s dead,” he said, and he felt himself start to shake, his fingers trembling, when Callaghan didn’t even blink at those words. “He died wanting to save you.”

“Give me the mask, Tadashi.” With five simple words, he was dismissed. His horror and confusion and anger, yes there it was, starting to bloom, all dismissed. Hiro’s sacrifice dismissed, just like that.

“He was going to get his microbots and save you. He was going to use them to save you.”

“That was his mistake!” Callaghan’s face was contorted with anger, his teeth bared in a snarl and his eyes wild. Tadashi watched him clench his fists and take a menacing step forward. Tadashi dropped the mask at the sight, comprehension finally flooding him. Callaghan believed that it was Hiros own fault he was dead. He didn’t care. He didn’t _care_ that he had killed Tadashi’s little brother

[fourteen he was just fourteen so young he was so young he had so much ahead fourteen fourteen fourteen]

and had sent Tadashi himself down a path of depression that he hadn’t even begun to claw his way out of.

Tadashi heard those words and their meaning and his world tipped sideways.

-

_Tadashi is seven and being beckoned into the hospital room. His mom is lying in bed, looking tired but glowing with happiness. His dad is sitting next her on the bed, and he’s smiling down at a small bundle cuddled in his arms._

_“Tadashi, honey, come meet your brother,” his mom says, laughing at the cautious look on his face. He wasn’t entirely sold on the idea of being a big brother quite yet. He’d been unsure when his parents had first announced it, and had gotten mostly mixed reviews on the position._

_“I love being a big sister!” Elizabeth, who sat in the desk next to him in class, told him when he brought it up. “My little brother is so cute, he’s learning how to walk now, and he always smiles when he sees me. I love it!”_

_“Just you wait,” Peter said, who sat behind Elizabeth. He ignored her glare. “I thought my little brother was cute too, but now all he does is get me in trouble. And he gets away with everything ‘cause he’s the baby! It isn’t fair.”_

_Tadashi had frowned and, watching them argue back and forth, decided that he would decide for himself only when he met the baby._

_Hoisting himself onto the bed in between his parents and peering at the baby his dad was holding, he was a little underwhelmed._

_The baby was wide awake and peering at his dad with dark eyes, opening and closing his mouth a little. He was small, and wrinkly, and looked rather grumpy. Tadashi supposed that he would be rather grumpy too, wrapped up tightly like that. A bright blue hat sat on his head, but Tadashi could see small wisps of dark hair poking out from under it._

_“His name is Hiro,” his father said, and Tadashi frowned and leaned forward to get a better look at his brother._

_Hiro seemed to catch the movement and turned to peer at Tadashi instead. The baby began to squirm in his blanket, making disgruntled noises. He reached forward and made the blanket wrappings a little less tight. He saw his dad start to fuss, but his mom hushed him and smiled at her son. As soon as the blankets were loose enough, Hiro shot out one of his arms and grabbed at Tadashi’s fingers._

_“Oh,” he said, a little amazed. He hadn’t realized how small the baby was. Tadashi’s own hand was dwarfed by his parents when he reached up to grab them, to cross the street or simply for comfort. Little Hiro’s hand was even smaller than his though, all his fingers just wrapping around two of Tadashi’s own. He blinked down at the sight and saw the baby as a whole suddenly. He imagined feet that were just as tiny, and how the small body would fit in his arms if he ever held him._

_This tiny, squirming boy holding his hand was his brother._

_“Well Tadashi? What do you think?” He shrugged._

_“I love him,” he replied, and that was that._

-

_Tadashi is eleven and laying in a hospital bed, on some sort of pain medication for his broken arm that makes him feel tired and a little fuzzy, and he can hear Hiro screaming outside his room._

_From what he’d seen of Hiro from the brief glimpse he had when he and Aunt Cass had first entered the hospital room, he’d already been upset.  He was four, and small, and curled up in their aunt’s arms while she had had to carry him in. His face had been red and blotchy, tears still streaming down his cheeks. Sniffling, Hiro had turned his head towards Tadashi in his bed and promptly had a fit._

_He’d started screaming and thrashing, trying to escape from Aunt Cass’s hold. His screams had only gotten louder when she had hurriedly ushered them out of the room. He can hear her now, even among all the screaming his little brother is doing. Trying to hush him, comfort him, telling him absent comforts. He isn’t really sure what’s upsetting his brother so much; Tadashi will be fine, they just want him to stay overnight because he had bumped his head in the fall that had broken his arm and wanted to make sure it wasn’t serious. He’d be home tomorrow, and he knew that Aunt Cass had told his brother that._

_“Hiro!” Aunt Cass finally exclaimed, her voice raised above the crying toddler. He blinked; he’d never really heard her raise her voice like that before. They’d been living with her for the past year now, and it was an adjustment for all of them. Generally she was sweet though, getting frustrated at times of course, but never really yelling. He figured she was still trying to adjust to having two children in her care. Maybe it scared her, he thought. “If you don’t calm down now, I’ll have to take you out of the building!”_

_“No!” Hiro protested loudly. “I don’t want Tadashi to go away like mom and dad did!”_

_The last time Hiro had ever been in a hospital was the day their parents had died._

_His parents had been going to a robotics convention that day, smiles on their faces. He and Hiro were supposed to go with them, but Hiro had come down with the flu and couldn’t go, and Tadashi hadn’t wanted to leave his brother alone. Aunt Cass came over to watch over the boys, and it had been a mostly peaceful day of taking care of his baby brother, with only one small tantrum._

_Night had rolled around, still with no sign of their parents coming home, when the phone had rung. Aunt Cass had picked it up, and after a few minutes of silence she had rushed into their room and grabbed up Hiro. He had squawked at that; he had just gotten the boy to sleep. He saw the tears on her face though, and silenced his protests._

_“There’s been an accident,” was all she said, and things weren’t the same at all after that._

_Hiro had been awake for that whole hospital trip, still sick, but aware of what was going on. He knew something bad had happened, and couldn’t understand why his parents weren’t there. Tadashi hadn’t been able to stop crying at his questions._

_“Oh, Hiro no,” Aunt Cass said now, snapping him out of his memories. “Tadashi’s fine, he just needs to stay here tonight. It’s okay, sweetie.” Hiro was having none of it though, his cries not lessening in the slightest._

_“If Tadashi goes away I wanna go with him,” Hiro sobbed out, and hearing his baby brother say that started tears of his own. He cried silently as he listened to Hiro’s cries growing softer as Aunt Cass carried him away from Tadashi’s room._

Never again _, he vowed, using his good arm to wipe away his tears, frustrated when they were just replaced._ I’ll find a way to make sure this never happens again _._

_With that decided, he began to count the minutes until he saw Hiro again._

-

_Tadashi is fifteen and Hiro is proving to everyone that he’s the genius that Tadashi always knew he was._

_At just eight, Hiro has already skipped ahead several grades in school, proving himself to be smarter than his peers with every passing day. Elite schools are practically begging to have the boy in their school, excited at the idea of having someone so smart to make their school look better. It always made Tadashi frown, but Hiro didn’t seem too interested, at least not yet._

_He spent a lot of time with his big brother, watching Tadashi work with robotics and learning at a pace that frankly amazed him. He picked things up so quickly, and could follow Tadashi’s lead and even beyond it. If he kept up the interest, Tadashi could see his brother going far with it._

_Hiro didn’t really have friends, though, but he seemed to make up for it in bullies._

_Kids his age and older, jealous of the attention Hiro got, jealous of his intellect, feeling threatened and angry. Hiro never tried to flaunt that he was intelligent, but it didn’t seem to matter to the kids; anything Hiro did seemed to be taken as some sort of attack against them. Tadashi couldn’t count the number of times he’d had to break up a fight, or the number of times the fights were unfairly matched._

_“Are you okay Hiro?” He asked after the latest fight, walking home with his brother._

_“Yeah,” Hiro muttered, not looking up from the ground as he walked. Tadashi walked closer to him, bumping into his little brother’s side._

_“Something’s bugging you,” he said, and watched as Hiro squirmed._

_“It’s nothing! It’s… I mean, nothing’s wrong…” Tadashi merely raised a brow but kept silent, waiting. Hiro had yet to learn the art of keeping his thoughts to himself, and he knew it would come out eventually. He only had to wait a minute or so._

_“Do you hate me?” It came out in a rush, like Hiro wanted to wash the words out of his mouth, like it caused him physical pain to ask. He looked like the question had hurt too; he was hunched in on himself, his face drawn and miserable, eyes wide and maybe a little damp._

_Tadashi stopped dead in his tracks._

_“Hiro, what? Why would you ask that?” Hiro seemed to draw into himself more at the question, his mouth turned down and quivering._

_“Nothing, it’s stupid, forget I asked,” he rushed out, starting to walk again, but Tadashi caught his arm._

_“Hey,” he said, crouching down to be on more of a level with his brother. “Hey, what’s going on?” Hiro paused, but finally looked up, defeated._

_“The kids earlier were saying that no one actually liked or, or wanted to be around me.” Tadashi frowned at the mention of the kids. Three kids, at least eleven by the looks of it, had knocked Hiro to the ground and were kicking at him, laughing, before Tadashi had intervened. “You hang out with me all the time though, but maybe that’s just ‘cause you’re my brother and you feel like you have to. You don’t, you know! I can take care of myself!”_

_Tadashi didn’t doubt that was true, but Hiro also looked on the verge of tears as he spoke. It broke his heart, seeing his brother look so young and lost. Hiro was too good to have to worry about these thoughts, too young to worry that maybe his brother didn’t want anything to do with him._

_“I love spending time with you,” he said honestly, but Hiro just shook his head._

_“Don’t you get mad that I’m smarter? Like the other kids do? Don’t you?”_

_Did he? Tadashi knew that, at first, there had been some insecurity regarding his brother’s intellect. He hadn’t been sure how to react when Hiro had first started showing that he was smarter than his big brother, even though he was proud of him too. It hadn’t been easy, admitting that a child seven years younger than him was smarter._

_But it was_ Hiro. _It was his baby brother, who found a joy in inventing and learning that he rarely showed otherwise. He found joy in learning new things, loved to show off new facts he had learned. This was the boy who he had loved since he had first grabbed his fingers as a tiny baby. He’d watched and cared for Hiro throughout the boy’s whole life, and any insecurity was washed away with the force of his love. He was nothing but insanely proud of every achievement, every learned fact, every budding invention of Hiro’s._

_Hiro was his darling, his little brother, his everything. Tadashi loved him no matter what._

_“I’ve never resented you a day in my life,” he tells his younger brother, gripping his shoulders. “I want whatever makes you happy, and no matter what, I will always be with you. You’re my favourite person in the world.”_

_“Really?” Hiro asked, dubious, but unable to keep the smile from his face. He smiled back._

_“Really. I love you,” he told him, because he really did, and he never wanted Hiro to doubt it again. His brother lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Tadashi’s neck, crying a little, but laughing too._

_“I love you too, big brother.”_

_-_

_Tadashi is nineteen and his professor asks him to stay after class._

_“I was just wondering if everything was okay,” Professor Callaghan tells him, sitting in the desk next to Tadashi’s. “You seemed out of it today, and that’s not like you.”_

_“I’m fine,” Tadashi said in a rush of air. He really wasn’t. Hiro was twelve now, and prone to acting out rather than hugging Tadashi. He was resentful of school, of his peers. He’d drawn more into himself, working steadily on one robot he called Megabot and was quiet on what his purpose was. They’d had a fight last night, ending with Hiro yelling that Tadashi should just stay out of his business, that he wasn’t wanted, that he just leave Hiro alone forever._

_He understood that things were hard for Hiro, what with not really fitting in with his peers. The comment had still stung Tadashi, though, who still loved his little brother over everyone. He knew Hiro still loved him, but he could feel the distance that was slowly starting to grow between them, and he was scared._

_“Hiro’s just growing up, honey,” Aunt Cass had said after their fight, but it hadn’t made him feel better._

_“Are you sure?” Professor Callaghan asks, not convinced. Tadashi frowned, considering._

_“Me and my brother had a fight last night,” he said slowly. “I guess I was just thinking about it.” Callaghan nodded._

_“Do you want to talk about it?”_

_Which is how Tadashi found himself talking, more like gushing, about his genius little brother. He told Callaghan about how smart he was, how far he could go. How Hiro had a hard time fitting in and didn’t understand why, how he took it personally. How he could feel his brother grow distant, how it worried him, how much he wanted good things for him._

_By the time he finished, he realized he had spent almost half an hour venting to his professor about his personal life. He blushed hotly and started to apologize, but Callaghan just waved a hand and laughed._

_“I understand,” he told Tadashi, his smile growing small. “I understand how it feels to be that invested in someone.”_

_“Yeah?” he asked, curious._

_“My daughter,” Callaghan answered. “Abigail. It’s been just us her whole life. Her mother died giving birth.” He grew quiet after that. Tadashi tried to apologize again, but again he was waved off. “It was quite a while ago, I’ve come to my own peace with it. I lost my wife, but I still had a daughter to take care of. I love that girl, she’s everything to me. I can’t imagine what I would do if something were to happen to her…”_

_Professor Callaghan’s face grew briefly dark, worry lines showing on his forehead. Tadashi wondered what he was thinking about, but the face went away as quickly as it had come, and Callaghan smiled at him._

_“Don’t worry about one fight, Tadashi. People that close, fights are inevitable. Love will always be there, though, after the anger fades. Do you understand?” Tadashi had nodded, not really sure if he believed it or not. Callaghan looked at him for a long moment before nodding, dismissing Tadashi for the day._

_When he got home, he was reminded of Callaghan’s words when Hiro greeted him with a hot drink and an apology on his lips, love written in his eyes next to remorse._

_Maybe he could believe what Callaghan had told him after all._

-

He blinked himself out of his memories, finding himself facing the man he had used to look up to. The man he had talked with about Hiro, how much he loved him and wanted everything good for. Callaghan was still looking at him with murder in his eyes, still with no regret over taking the person Tadashi’s life had revolved around. He looked at Callaghan, then turned to face Baymax.

He still thought Baymax looked silly in his red armor; he was a healthcare robot, never meant for this kind of thing. Tadashi had been the one to want to catch the man in the Kabuki mask

[callaghan callaghan told you everything told you about him you knew you knew why why]

but the super suits had been Fred’s idea, who had Honey backing him.

“We want to help you catch the guy,” Fred had assured, looking sincere but unable to keep the excited grin off his face. “We just can’t do that without some personal upgrades!”

“We’ll get him,” Honey had soothed, putting her hand on his arm. “We’ll make sure he can’t hurt anyone again, like he did Hiro. Fred’s right though, we can’t do it by being just us. We need to be more.” He was still reluctant, especially about bringing Baymax into it, but he ached all over. He ached from chasing after a man he didn’t know, he ached from being thrown about Wasabi’s car in the car chase, he ached from crashing into the water. He ached from the day of the funeral, still, could still close his eyes and smell grave dirt.

In the few days that it took to create the suits and train with them as much as they could, a fighting chip was created for Baymax. Everyone was surprised that it was his own idea, including Tadashi himself.

“As a last resort backup,” he had told his friends. “If we all can’t bring him down ourselves, or we get hurt, he’ll be able to protect us.” Which was true, but he failed to mention how he thought it was something Hiro would have enjoyed. It certainly seemed like something he would do, Tadashi had thought, since he was so drawn to reckless behavior.

Hiro would never do _this_ though, he knew, as he opened the access port on Baymax’s chest.

“Tadashi?” Baymax asked, watching as he took out the healthcare chip.

“Tadashi, what are you doing?” Wasabi called down.

“What I have to do,” and he sounded dead, dead and gone, except if he were dead at least he’d be with Hiro. He threw the green chip away.

“Tadashi, is this what Hiro would have—“ But Tadashi slammed the access port shut, watching as Baymax’s eyes closed then opened, glowing an eerie red, watching him, waiting for orders. No, this isn’t what Hiro would have wanted. Hiro would never have condoned such a thing, would have thought his way around it. He never would have resorted to trying to take someone’s life.

Hiro had always been better than Tadashi, though.

He silently pointed towards Callaghan; Baymax didn’t need the words, just shot off after Callaghan, who tried to run away. He didn’t watch Baymax tried to kill the man he once respected, didn’t watch his friends try to stop the robot. He didn’t listen to the panicked shouting. He went to the stairs and sat down, putting his head in his hands.

Time turned watery after that. He wasn’t sure how long he spent sitting there, thinking of nothing. He heard parts of the building being destroyed, heard his friends crying and begging Baymax to stop. He heard Callaghan get away with the microbots. He heard frantic shuffling and the loud silence that followed it. He came back to himself when he heard Baymax’s voice come clearly again.

“My healthcare protocol has been violated. I regret any distress I may have caused” He thought he should feel bad at those words. He’d created Baymax to be gentle and sweet, to help wherever he could. He’d built in everything he could think of, gave him as much knowledge as he could, so Baymax could help as best as he could. He’d created Baymax so people could keep from being hurt, so they could get better quicker when they did get hurt or sick.

He’d created Baymax with his brother in mind, screaming at four that he didn’t want Tadashi to go, crying at eight because the other kids couldn’t understand him. Distant and angry at twelve, trying to cover up his loneliness with robots and snark. He’d been thinking of a tiny baby he had loved all along, who he had promised to protect.

He’d violated Baymax in the worst way, but a lot of things had been violated lately, and Tadashi was tired.

“What were you thinking?” Gogo yelled, storming up to him. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t even picked up his head. “We never agreed to kill someone!”

“That was cruel Tadashi,” and Wasabi sounded so cold and disappointed. He could join his parents, then, forever disappointed in their son

[sorry so sorry failed him failed you broke my promise please answer please don’t turn away from my prayers sorry sorry so so sorry]

for failing them when it counted. “How could you do something like that?”

“Hiro didn’t have friends growing up,” he replied, and everything grew silent. “He was too smart, and too proud to pretend he wasn’t. You forget it growing up, but kids can be cruel. They certainly were to Hiro; they’d call him names and beat him up whenever they could. I can’t count the number of times I had to break up fights.

“He never used to let it get to him, you know? Resilient kid. And all he wanted to do was help people. He wanted to be a super hero, a good guy. It was what got him into trouble a lot of the time as a kid. He’d offer to help the other kids with homework, or he’d try to defend a teacher against mean remarks. No matter how hard he tried though, it never got through to them. He’d still find himself bullied and alone in class.

“It got to him as he got older. He started resenting the kids, stopped wanting to help them out. He drew in on himself. He lost his way.” He finally picked his head up, looking into the group’s shocked eyes. He’d never told them any of this before. “That’s why I started worrying. He stopped helping people, started to not care if someone got hurt. He was better than that though, he always was.

“I was _so proud_ when he started making the microbots. I thought of it as him finding his way again. He wanted to get into the school, but he wanted to be able to _help people_ too. That’s why he didn’t sell them to Krei.” He knew that was true, even without confirmation. Hiro was smart enough to have known that his invention would never do as much good as it could in Krei’s hands. He’d been proud of that moment too, wanted to hug his brother close and not let go for the rest of the night. That was what he should have done anyways.

“But now he’s dead. He died because he wanted to help people, he wanted to get the microbots to save Callaghan. Callaghan is alive though, with my little brother’s invention that he stole. He stole them and killed Hiro.”

When had he started crying? He could feel the tears drip down his face, could feel his body shake with adrenaline and grief. How could he ever get over this? How could this have ever happened?

“My little brother died at fourteen, and he died for _nothing._ ”

Silence descended upon the group, his last words echoing through his ears. He couldn’t bear to see their faces, their sad eyes and hunched shoulders. He buried his face back in his hands and let himself cry.

How could he ever go back to Hiro’s grave now? How could he ever do that, knowing that the only reason he was there was because of the man Tadashi had wanted him to meet so badly? Hiro would still be alive if Tadashi hadn’t been so adamant about him attending college. Maybe if he hadn’t been so protective, maybe if he had let Hiro have some room. How could he have done that though? How could he have let Hiro walk into situations like the ones he had been?

No, Tadashi had always been doomed to be his brother’s death, it seemed.

He was startled when he felt hands on his shoulders, pulling him forward into a hug. He opened his eyes, vision obscured by Gogo’s bright yellow armor. He could just make out the forms of the rest of his friends gathering closer, forming a small circle around him.

“We’ll catch Callaghan,” Gogo told him, her voice soft. “We’ll catch him and give him what he deserves, but we’ll do it the right way this time.”

He closed his eyes, leaning his body into hers, and didn’t reply.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I have a Tumblr [here](http://www.glitterpukesoul.tumblr.com) where I'm still upset over these brothers


End file.
